Have you ever experienced a time in your life when
everything was going simply wonderful... and then reality struck a hard blow
right at the very climax of your happiness? Or perhaps, have you ever gone
through a week of not knowing how you were going to make it through the next?
Sometimes the grit of life grinds hard against the oftentimes tender flesh of
our humanity. And, it is during periods like these that we often discover the
reality of how deep our faith may truly be.
When life stretches our emotions to the breaking point we learn. Yes, we learn
through hard times. In fact, I believe it would be honest to say that I have
been taught far more invaluable lessons during times of angst, stress, and loss
than amidst the soaring times of joy and happiness. But, why must this be so?
Why do we have to go through hardship to grow and learn? Why does it take a
swelling tear to come a step closer to the Master?
Many days I have pondered this question and for many days I have not had an
answer. Yet, eventually by the mercy of God I found that in my questioning, the
answer had already been given. The answer happened to lie in the valley itself,
and in the swelling tear of discouragement. I found that this answer was
simple, yet "hard". The answer is "hard" in that it is
difficult to accept from our so-often worldly mentality. And, as frustrating as
it might seem, this lesson has to be learned over and over and over again - at
least this is true for me.
Falling On Hard Times
Just about one month ago I yet again went through an experience that taught me
of the answer to this question. It was not easy or smooth sailing, it was not
soaring high with joy and happiness, it was not even fun at all... it was just
the opposite. However, after having gone through similar lessons before, there
remained a certain level of hope and faith that God was in it all, and in this
time I would again learn of the answer to the question.
Upon our arrival back here in Dallas after our unbelievable, "mountain
top" honeymoon of bliss, Stephanie and I were presented with a tough
dilemma. After settling into our new apartment and finally climbing out of the
hills of boxes, we began to discover that we were fast approaching zero in our
bank accounts. This did not bode well at all because both of us knew that our
expenses were only going to rise (especially once my school tuition bills
starting coming in the end of July).
However, with a general budget in hand we began seeking out jobs that would
hopefully help us meet our needs. Stephanie applied to more than half a dozen
positions around the area, yet after several weeks it appeared that nothing was
going to "pan out." More than a month went by and with events at the
church running low on my work schedule; I too went looking for something extra
to add on to my duties. With many thanks to the Lord, He opened up a door just
a couple weeks later for me to do some marketing work for Tommy Nelson's Song
of Solomon Bible Resources. This certainly was an answer to our prayers and
would definitely help our financial situation. And during this time it was also
confirmed to our most pleasant surprise that a little "Peanut" had
been planted during our honeymoon in northern Georgia. WOW! What a wonderful
joy... yes a mountain top. But over the past two and a half months of scraping
by with little work and having significantly increased expenses for rent etc...
our situation still looked quite dim.
The past month of August was discouraging at times and even involved some
panic, yet we continued to believe that God would provide and keep us out from
under the heavy load of debt. I began working on my new job which seemed to be
going pretty well, until just as I began the second week of work I came down
with strep throat and could not eat solid foods, let alone work for more than
five days. And, our bills for tuition, rent, insurance, and others kept flowing
in. This was a period of inner strife for me because every other time I had run
low I had always been able to work myself out of the hole and get back to
"running again." Yet, this time I could do nothing but lay in bed
sipping on tea and trying to swallow yogurt. Stephanie did her best to take
care of me, even though she herself was severely struggling with morning sickness
due to pregnancy. What a wonderful wife God has given me.
As that week came to an end, I slowly started to recover and once again began
to look over our finances. Glancing ahead at all the bills due right around the
first of this month, I first began to panic... but then as Stephanie reminded
me, we again cried out to the Lord for our needs to be met. We both believe
that God knows all our needs before we even ask Him, yet felt entirely prompted
to ask of Him a specific amount that would cover our expenses and asked of Him
that He would be pleased to answer our prayer by the end of that week.
Down to the Wire
By Wednesday I had only $15 in my checking account, yet remained at peace that
God would show His power. And show us He did! On Thursday Stephanie had an interview
for a part-time nanny job and was offered the position, and that same day she
also acquired a new piano student! While these things would not offer us an
immediate solution to our pending bills, they certainly brought much needed
encouragement from our Lord. That evening we thanked God for the wonderful
events of the day and again brought our needs before Him.
On Friday morning (the end of the week) I woke up and decided to check our bank
account online to see if my regular paycheck had gone through. As I rubbed the
sleep away from my eyes, I could not believe the number that stared back at me
from the screen of my laptop. With my heart pounding and tears welling up I
clicked on the account status to see if, in fact, what I was seeing was true
and not just a figment of my imagination. And, low and behold there was an
amount sent along with my paycheck from some dear friends that would meet all
the major pending bills that I would need to pay in the next several days...
Wiping the emotion from my eyes I ran into the bedroom and quickly brought
Stephanie over to the computer so she could see for herself that our God had
heard our prayers. As we both wept and praised the Lord for His goodness that
morning, we realized that God had taught us a very important lesson about faith
and trust. Yes it was VERY hard to go through such a test, yet we had grown
closer to our Savior and to one another as well.
As we hand over our self-trust for belief in God, we come to realize that life
is not about us, but about Christ and His glory. The events and experiences of
this life on earth do not measure one cord to that which is to come in His
great Kingdom. Yet, through these days of life that are woven together with
hard times and with the good, we see that He is at work and we see His hand.
His hand is shown in our lives not that we may have what we want, when we want
it, but that He might show the excellencies of His grace toward us who are in
Christ Jesus.
To know that He is near and to believe that He is sovereign - literally
watching over every circumstance of our lives; this is the answer to the
question! Life is not learned until there is pain. Until we know the anguish of
death and loss we will never know the value of life. Until we have nothing we
will never learn the value of one single dollar. And, until we surrender our
self-trust into simple belief in the omnipotent Lord will we learn to see His
hand.
And then, when all this life is over and we lay our heads to rest we shall
enter the streets of gold and cast the crowns that we have earned by our faith
through Christ at the foot of the throne of our Powerful God and crown Him King
of Kings and Lord of Lords. For it is all for Him and by Him and for His great
glory.
May we wholeheartedly say as Paul wrote to the Church at Philippi during his
imprisonment (an obvious hardship), "For me to live is Christ and to die
is gain." (Phil. 1:21)
Watch for His hand... He is waiting to show His glory.
May His glory be known and His power shown in and through our lives for the
praise of His glorious grace.
